Lesson 1: You Will Never Be Fully Prepared, But Can Plan Ahead.

Caregiving is filled with many unknowns. But one truth remains: preparation is the greatest gift you can give yourself and your loved one.

When my mother began showing memory loss at 84, even my professional training couldn't shield me from the overwhelm that followed. Her foresight made the difference: years earlier, she had prepared a power of attorney, allowing me to make decisions when he could not. That single document made an impossible situation more manageable.

Lesson 2: Caregiving Is a Team Effort, Even When It Feels Like It's Just You.

After my husband's father passed away suddenly in 2003, his mother spiraled into the early stages of Alzheimer's. Although we lived a few miles apart, she refused to leave her home. James moved in with her, and he and his siblings coordinated a shared caregiving schedule. Their imperfect teamwork showed me something profound: you don't have to do it alone.

Years later, when it became my turn to care for my mother, I leaned on the support of my husband, my family, and the caregiving lessons James had graciously modeled for me. Caregiving isn't just about lending to another's needs but also tending to your own strength.

Lesson 3. Grief And Growth Can Exist Side By Side

In August 2023, after saying goodbye to my mother and stepfather, I returned home to Nashville, facing my own health challenges. As I recovered from surgery, my husband, James, lovingly cared for me.

But just a few weeks later, James himself fell ill. A diagnosis of Stage 4 lung cancer shattered our world. Six months later, after 49 years of marriage, I lost him.

No amount of preparation should protect my heart from that loss. But caregiving had taught me something essential: grief and growth are intertwined. Through caregiving, I learned to face unimaginable pain and to find strength I never knew I had. In losing James, I discovered not just heartbreak but also resilience to move forward, even when carrying the weight of deep sorrow.

Lesson 4. Sharing Your Journey Can Change Lives.

One of the most profound lessons I learned is that we are not meant to keep knowledge to ourselves. Every experience, every hardship, and every success in caregiving has the power to help someone else navigate their own journey.

With the encouragement of a dear friend and grief counseling support, I found the courage to write my story. Within six months of James' passing, I published Dr. Vera's Caregiving Workbook. This comprehensive guide provides worksheets, tips, and advice to help others navigate unpredictable caregiving.

Roslyn Carter once said, "There are four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers." Her words ring true. Every story matters. Every lesson lights the way.